Archive for the ‘Horrifying Haunted Houses’ Category

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus…to scare you to death at “A Very Scary Christmas,” a “very special, limited engagement Christmas frightfest,” in Hauppauge, NY.

According to, this holiday-themed haunted house will feature “killer snowmen, evil elves, man-eating reindeer and murderous Christmas trees.”

And remember: an evil Santa, wielding a chainsaw, will also be there to “show you what naughty really looks like.” Ah, the ho-ho-horror!!!

If I ever ventured into “A Very Scary Christmas,” my mother would start to worry, my father would be pacing the floor, and my sister would be suspicious…oh baby, it’s scary inside!


Yesterday, my brave friend and I decided to attend The Hill Has Eyes, located in Franklin, Wisconsin, which features five different haunts: Hooded, Failed Escape, Hunger Hollo, Scare Lift, and Carnivore.

I was excited to attend The Hill Has Eyes because I had heard and read several positive reviews, and my interest had been captured when I noticed this haunted attraction had been deemed the “Best Wisconsin Haunt of 2014.”


After my brave friend and I had signed our “death warrants” and paid our $29.00 general admission fee, we received a dark hood to place atop our heads while we waited for our haunt to begin. Soon, an incredibly loud man began yelling out our instructions: “Once you round the corner, place the hood over your face with your left hand and grab the rope with your right hand.”

So, we rounded the corner, pulled down our masks, followed a rope, and walked blindly for ten minutes over uneven ground while drill sergeants shouted commands at us.

While I did not feel scared during this haunt, I did become rather frustrated, seeing as two drunk people kept spoiling the walk by shouting out lame jokes and burping loudly. (Remember: when you are at a haunted house, be sure to get a GOOD group!)

Failed Escape/Hunger Hollo

Because the weather was beautiful yesterday, I did enjoy walking along these two haunted trails. We encountered several oddities, including: evil hillbillies, moonshine maniacs, zombies, zombie victims, deranged werewolf pups, chainsaw-wielding lunatics, and Satan himself.

In order to view Satan (and his make-up was phenomenal), we had to walk through a decrepit-looking satanic church. As fire blazed around him, Satan called me “short” and informed me that I should drink more milk to become big and strong.

With that helpful piece of advice from Beelzebub, I, along with my brave friend, began walking towards the Scare Lift.

Scare Lift

The Scare Lift, deemed “Milwaukee’s haunted thrill ride,” was incredibly fun. I mean, who doesn’t want to ride a rickety chair lift? And once we arrived atop the hill, we were greeted by more ghouls and escorted to a super fun SLIDE! (I absolutely loved that slide!)


During Carnivore, my brave friend and I traveled through an asshole (yes, you heard that right), and walked through a small circus while “freaks” screeched and screamed at us.

The Final Verdict

Overall, I thought The Hill Has Eyes was incredibly boring; it was NOT worth $29.00. I would only recommend it if you feel like a) getting dirty or b) getting a headache.

Last Friday, my brave friend and I attended, and survived, the chilling journey through the Abandoned Haunted House Complex. And thankfully, much to my delight, the two houses (Ambush and Hysteria) actually scared me! I jumped, I panicked, I screamed, and I ran away from the terrifying “Chainsaw Man.”

Abandoned Haunted House Complex

When my brave friend and I arrived, it took mere minutes to purchase our tickets. (Tickets were $20.00.) Once our tickets were purchased, we began walking towards the haunted house entrance…and the screams.

There were numerous ghouls waiting to scare people while we waited in line. I came face-to-face with an incredibly creepy woman carrying scythe-like knives, and I tried to avoid looking directly at Mr. Clown, seeing as he looked pretty menacing. (If you would prefer NOT to focus on the ghouls, feel free to dance to the upbeat music they have blasting in the background or watch fun videos, like Spider Dog, on the projection screen.)

And then, after waiting for a little while, we were finally chosen to enter the house where our nightmares became reality…and wow, it was absolutely fantastic! All of the actors were brilliantly disturbing, and, at times, hilarious, and every single room, ranging from a prison cell to an ambulance to a meat locker, were phenomenally decorated.

The pitch-dark rooms, of course, messed me up, and I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to escape until my brave friend helped me out. And I also became terrified when I became the main “scare” target – the actors would silently creep up behind me and snort in my ear, breathe down my neck, or just creepily follow me through certain rooms.

I received some incredible chills, too, from Mr. Dentist who, urging me to come see him, waved a deadly-looking drill in my face, and from Prison Cell Man who, after the alarm sounded, jumped out of a cell at me. And, as I mentioned above, I screamed bloody-murder when Chainsaw Man began chasing me. (This frightened me SO badly!)

Overall, I would encourage everyone to attend the Abandoned Haunted House Complex; Ambush and Hysteria are freaking fantastic, and you will have an amazingly scary time!

October has arrived, which means pumpkin lattes, horror movies, and, best of all, it is the time to attend some of Wisconsin’s scariest haunted houses. To kick off the Halloween season, my friend and I decided to visit the Mars Haunted House, seeing as it has been named “Milwaukee’s #1 Truly Haunted House.”

Yes, the Mars Haunted Houses is actually haunted, and it has quite the grisly past. On October 3rd, 1943, Mr. Milton, a resident in the old building, arrived home, angry because he had lost his job and intoxicated. After an explosive argument with his wife, Mr. Milton threatened his terrified family with a loaded shotgun. He killed them all, including himself.

Mars Haunted House

Let’s begin when my brave friend and I were waiting in line. Because October nights become quite chilly, I would highly advise bringing a warm sweatshirt, seeing as you’ll be waiting in line for QUITE some time.

However, in order to make the wait more bearable, there were two ghouls lurking around, who would bang on trash cans and sneak up on people to scare them. Both ghouls, I will admit, had great costumes, and their eerie contacts were phenomenal!

Eventually, my friend and I found ourselves climbing the steep steps toward the ticket booth. (Tickets were $13.00.) Once you pay, and once you have a willing group, you all proceed through a decrepit-looking door into pitch darkness.

After I walked through that door, I had hoped to encounter my worst nightmares; I wanted to feel scared, to feel absolutely terrified! Instead, I found myself walking through a mild haunted house where the talented actors and actresses focused solely upon scaring the screaming woman behind us.

This haunted house, in my opinion, can be ranked as “meh.” However, there were certain parts that I truly did enjoy.

For instance, I loved wandering around the blood-splattered sheets as strobe-lights pulsed around me. I loved the uneven floors, which kept me on my toes, and the pitch darkness did startle me, seeing as I became lost in the maze for a few seconds.

Because the Mars Haunted House was mild and tame, I would recommend it as a good haunted house to begin with this Halloween.


734 W. Historic Mitchell Street
Milwaukee, WI 53204-3528