Amityville Exorcism (2017) Film Review

Posted: August 30, 2017 in Horrendous Horror Movies
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To all whom own a home: beware, beware! Do you know where your lumber was obtained? Might it have come from a “decades-old” haunted house? Might it be possessed by hellfire and Satan’s wrath?

In Amityville Exorcism, directed by Mark Polonia, a contractor fails to document where his timber came from, and, since a devil inhabited it, unknowingly infected numerous families, including the Dukane family, resulting in possession and death. (The Dukane family, though, due to their bitterness and resentment towards one another, allowed the demon to grow stronger as he emerged from his plank of wood.)

Our demon, lurking through cemeteries, forests, and basements, wears a blood-red cloak, crimson mask, and sports a magnificent beard. He, at the end of Amityville Exorcism, possesses an oily-faced Amy Dukane (Marie DeLorenzo), causing her to pose for pictures, bite her awkward boyfriend, vomit, swear, and cringe from religious artifacts. All while this is happening, Jeremy Dukane (James Carolus), her alcoholic father, stands nearby, listening to Father Benna (Jeff Kirkendall), a strange priest, poorly read from a King James Bible.

…wait, I skipped a character – my deepest apologies! I present the burglar (Todd Carpenter) who, for some odd reason, enters the Dukane residence, storms into the basement, and proceeds to steal cleaning supplies and Christmas decorations. Why?!

Random scenes are speckled throughout this film, offering no addition to the plotline. One scene, for instance, left me puzzled – our priest, wispy hair billowing in the wind, traverses through a cemetery, looking lost and confused. Soon, he kneels down and places his head on a random headstone – and the shot ends! What, if anything, am I supposed to gain from that?!

Another random scene left me scratching my head – Amy, possessed, walks to a nearby park, where some strange man, carrying a camera, begins taking photographs of her face, her body. Why?! Is the demon a model from Hell? Is the demon interested in photography? I just don’t understand the relevance of the scene at all.

One more random scene occurs when we watch Amy, her father, and her boyfriend eat Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and hotdogs in silence – why?! Amityville Exorcism is packed with frustrating and pointless scenes.

Murder, it seems, wasn’t in the budget – when characters were murdered, the camera was yanked upwards and away, allowing the “victims” time to apply crappy red paint to act as wounds and blood on their face and neck. Excellent acting, it seems, wasn’t sought for in the death scenes, either, seeing as actors didn’t look horrified as a hammer crashed down on their face, and their screams weren’t realistic!

This movie, horror fanatics, is one you can miss – wooden acting, horrendous lighting, and crap dialogue was an utter nightmare and pain to watch! But, the next time you see lumber, ask yourself, “This wood, this lumber…where did it come from?” Otherwise you might be visited by a horribly dressed man, claiming to be a demon!

To watch the trailer, click here


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