The Haunted Casino, directed by Charles Band, was dreadful.

Image from imdb.com.

 

This atrocious film begins when Matthew inherits his uncle’s rundown casino. (Little does he know, though, this casino is haunted by five mediocre ghosts.) These ghosts, ranging from gangsters to card dealers, begin pulling Matthew and his irritating friends into rigged games of Black Jack and Roulette. Will they win and walk away free, or will they lose their lives over a card game?

Oh, and there is another plot about finding hidden silver, which would really help Matthew and his girlfriend, JJ, fix up the casino. (Seriously? Am I watching The Goonies?)

All of the characters were extremely unlikeable:

  • Matthew (Scott Whyte): Depressed inheritor of the casino; constantly shushed by his annoying girlfriend, JJ.
  • JJ (Robin Sydney): Matthew’s annoying and overly optimistic girlfriend; never wants to discuss finances or real-life.
  • Paige (Kristyn Green)*: Blonde model; screamer.
  • Emily (Lily Rains)*: Number-crunching lesbian; card sharp.
  • Jimbo (Wes Armstrong)*: Unimportant character; lost his arm in a Black Jack game.
  • Skeeter (Kavan Reece)*: Bad boy; wants the dead Roulette girl.

*I don’t know if I have these character names correct, seeing as they weren’t incredibly important.

And the ghosts, woah, are laughable! The murderous Roulette man transforms into a giant cookie with piercing red eyes, while the cookie-loving Black Jack man turns into a huge-headed knight. These ghosts weren’t terrifying – they were terrible!

In the end, everyone except Matthew and JJ perish. Instead of shedding tears, though, they walk over their friend’s lifeless bodies towards the silver they found, and begin discussing how they are going to fix up the casino…that attempted to kill them! (Are you kidding me?!)

Overall, The Haunted Casino is not worth your time – skip it, and watch something else.

To watch the trailer, click here

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