Archive for January, 2015

Imagine this: whilst on vacation in Florida, dark, ominous storm clouds begin rolling over…and then, all of a sudden, huge and terrifying sharks begin falling out of these clouds like killer raindrops. What should you do? Who should you call?

I know who: Tara Reid and Ian Ziering, our top-notch heroes!

And I know that I will be cheering them on in July when Reid and Ziering battle murderous sharks from Washington, D.C. to Orlando, Florida in Sharknado 3.

Who else is totally stoked?!?!

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666: The Devil’s Child, directed by Manzie Jones, was absolutely dreadful.

The synopsis, according to IMDB.com, reads, “[This is] the story of two friends, a young woman and young man, who visit another young woman who they’ve met on the internet. Once they arrive at the woman’s remote house, unexplainable things begin to happen, and the woman who owns the house is anything but what they expect.”

Our first young woman, Vanessa, an unskillful film student, oozed bitterness throughout every scene – and she is played by Nadya Suleman, the infamous Octomom. Her wooden acting was atrocious, and her short, snippy lines of dialogue brought absolutely nothing of relevance to the film.

Jessica (Chanon Finley), the other young woman, was an alcoholic, psychotic seductress. If she was, in fact, a paranormal entity, 666: The Devil’s Child never fully explained it. I mean, sure, there is one Google search revolving around a “succubus,” but other than that, Jessica just appeared to be a woman with incredibly sharp teeth and an insatiable craving for men and old family recipes.

This movie consisted of three unexciting things:

  1. Pointless conversations
  2. Nonstop drinking
  3. Lots and lots of sleeping

Curious things – cups moving on their own, keys vanishing, and grotesque sores budding on Octomom’s stomach – started happening, but again, nothing was ever explained. Are these strange happenings related to Jessica, or are they related to the ghosts hovering around the house? The world may never know.

And, nearer the end, Octomom showcased her selfish side. After being attacked by Jessica, she merely crawls towards the camera instead of checking to make sure her young friend, who was also attacked, was okay. Selfish much?!

Oh, and the “child” element doesn’t come into play until the last thirty seconds of the film. Really?

Overall, 666: The Devil’s Child was crap…and I would recommend you stay FAR away from it.

To watch the trailer, click here.

Neverlake, directed by Riccardo Paoletti, is a tear-jerking horror film filled to the brim with strange medical experiments, psycho parents, and one incredibly mysterious lake.

Jenny (Daisy Keeping) returns to Italy to visit Dr. Brook (David Brandon), her suspicious-looking father. Instead of visiting with his daughter, though, Dr. Brook becomes almost unfindable, throwing himself further and further into his research on the “Lake of Idols.”

With loneliness in her heart, she sets out towards the lake where she stumbles upon a group of sickly children living in the nearby hospital. These children soon lead her on a mission that will expose her father to be a cruel, terrible monster – will Jenny survive, or will her father literally tear her apart?

I will be honest: I loved Neverlake. Dr. Brook’s home and the “Lake of Idols” were absolutely beautiful, and the emotional acting drew me into every single scene.

Yet even with these great qualities, I still managed to find a few flaws:

  • What, exactly, is the strange creature living in the lake, and why is it important?
  • Why can Peter only summon the Etruscan spirits?
  • How do the Etruscan spirits tie into the story? (They make ONE appearance; that’s it.)
  • After numerous surgeries, how can Jenny, who is profusely bleeding, run from the main house to the lake AND manage to dive deep into the water’s depth to retrieve numerous tiny figurines?

But even with these flaws, Neverlake’s ending had me sobbing. (I was a complete mess!) It was such a happy ending for Jenny and her mother – it wasn’t such a great ending, though, for Dr. Brook and his lover, Olga.

Overall, Neverlake was a wonderful horror film that’ll have you gasping, crying, and cheering for Jenny through all her trials and tribulations!

To watch the trailer, click here.

Unfriended, directed by Levan Gabriadze, a found-footage film taken from someone’s desktop computer, will be released on April 17th, 2015.

According to IMDB.com, this film will revolve around “a group of online chatroom friends [who] find themselves haunted by a mysterious, supernatural force using the account of their dead friend.”

What are your thoughts on Unfriended? Will you see it?

Starring: Matthew Bohrer, Courtney Halverson, Shelley Hennig, Renee Olstead, Will Peltz, Heather Sossaman, Moses Jacob Storm & Jacob Wysocki.

From now until January 16th, 2015, A & P Films LLP will be “running a…campaign to raise funds for” a new horror film: Asylum Nights, directed by Dean C. Jones, director and Emmy-award winning makeup artist. “Funds raised will help [Asylum Nights] maintain complete creative control.”

Asylum Nights begins when an Evergreen Asylum night guard begins violently treating patients – when a night nurse is slain, Andy Roberts, head physician, must team up with Leon, a gentle giant, to stop the night guard. But what is Leon hiding?

Jones said, “Asylum Nights can best be described as a mix between One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Seven, and Tod Browning’s Freaks. This film will push on every emotion, and is a rare gem.”

To donate, follow the campaign link: http://igg.me/at/asylumnightsmovie/x/8730882

Directed by Nick Stentzel, “Playing with the Devil” is an insanely eerie short film revolving around Hitori Kakurenbo, a Japanese ritual.

This ritual, when translated, means “hide and seek alone,” and when performing it, an evil presence usually enters one’s home. During this short film, three little girls, while performing this ritual, summon a malevolent entity into their creepy doll – and it slowly makes their night a living hell.

When watching this film, keep your saltwater close; you never know when you might need it.

Directed by Paul Solet, Dark Summer looks like a chilling horror film.

It begins when 17-year-old Daniel Austin (Keir Gilchrist), an obsessive online stalker, is placed under house-arrest; all of his electronics are taken from him, ruining his summer vacation. But when his mother leaves for a work trip, Daniel manages to steal his neighbor’s internet to creep on his crush: Mona (Grace Phipps).

Yet he isn’t the only creep; Mona has been creeping on Daniel, too, and soon, strange things begin happening in his house: eerie noises, seeing strange things, “and feel[ing] a strange presence in the house.”

Dark Summer “combines the supernatural terror of classic horrors The Shining and Poltergeist with the tension and modern cool of Disturbia.”

“Two possibilities exist…

Either we are alone in the universe or we are not.

Both are equally terrifying.”

-Arthur C. Clarke

Dark Skies, directed by Scott Stewart, can be described as “walking through a full-blown nightmare.” This film made me fear the creatures that might be lurking above in the nighttime sky; the extraterrestrial beings that might be stalking mankind even now.

Unusual things begin happening to the Barret family, which prompts Lacy (Keri Russell) to conduct numerous Google searches and visit Edwin (J.K. Simmons), an alien expert. This research informs Lacy that her family is being targeted by extraterrestrial beings. Can the Barret family ward off the aliens, or will one of them be dragged off into the sky?

The three aliens, known as Greys, terrified me. These horrifying creatures, with their elongated bodies and malicious attitudes, implanted themselves, like a microchip, into my worst nightmares. After watching Dark Skies, I was afraid that I would wake up in the middle of the night and see them hovering over me.

And it freaked me out when Edwin said, “The presence of the Greys is now a fact of life…like death and taxes.” Once I heard that, chills ran up and down my spine as I thought about life outside of Earth, and how other beings might be creeping around, studying us.

Let’s move onto the Barret family: simply put, I adored this family. Sure, they may have had their flaws, yet they still managed to hold themselves together with inspiring amounts of love and strength. Dark Skies manages to teach an important message: always cherish and protect your family.

And I want to thank Mr. Stewart for creating a realistic family in Dark Skies that other families can relate to. Instead of being millionaires, the Barret’s, like countless others, were struggling to make ends meet; they had a never-ending stack of bills to pay and were attempting to land decent jobs. It was very refreshing to see a down-to-earth family in a horror film.

I do, however, want to bring up one glaring issue: if the Barrett family was so broke, how could they afford numerous security cameras for their house? (Just something to ponder…)

Overall, Dark Skies was an incredibly eerie alien movie that will have you double-checking your windows and doors at night; you don’t want the Greys to take an interest in you.

To watch the trailer, click here

I loved The Woman in Black, starring Daniel Radcliffe, and adored Susan Hill’s novella, so when I heard The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death, directed by Tom Harper, was in theaters, I became incredibly excited!

While clutching a Mountain Dew and devouring a package of Zours, I sat down in the dark theater, mentally preparing myself to be scared shitless. Unfortunately, once the movie began, my excitement vanished because I realized The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death was nothing more than horribly dark camera shots and mediocre jump scares.

Instead of creating a more original introduction, The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death copies the beginning from The Woman in Black (see table below).

 The Woman in Black

 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death

Introduced to Kipps (Radcliffe), main character Introduced to Eve (Phoebe Fox), main character
Kipps boards train with troubled mind Eve boards train with troubled mind
Kipps meets Sam Daily, a gentleman who sits across from him on train – character will help him throughout the movie Eve meets Harry (Jeremy Irvine), a gentleman who sits across from her on train – character will help her throughout the movie

Geez, where the hell is the creativity anymore?

Like I mentioned above, this movie was incredibly dark; at times, I thought my eyes were failing me because I couldn’t see anything on-screen. Because of the darkness, I couldn’t see the scenery or particular characters…and that really ruined the movie for me. If I don’t know what is happening on-screen, why the hell would I stay interested in the story?

And sure, jump scares are good ONE time…but not EVERY single time.

Another thing to ponder: why is the Woman trying to make Eve’s life a living hell? Shouldn’t the Woman be more sympathetic towards Eve, seeing as both women lost their sons tragically? (Besides, the Woman was given the chance to reunite with her son, yet she passed it up because her grudge against her sister was more important. She should be damn thankful that she was able to see her son again. Poor Eve doesn’t even know where her son is! If you think about it, the Woman is a selfish bitch.)

And I am really disappointed that The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death became The Grudge 2. I guess the Woman, like the Grudge, can travel outside their homes and begin murdering everyone around them…or is that just a tacky way to create another sequel?

Here are a few more inconsistencies:

  • If Harry, the pilot, is afraid of water, why did he stop in the middle of the marsh while the tide is coming in to tell Eve his tragic story? (Seriously? Why not tell Eve your story when you drive onto DRY land?)
  • When everyone is hiding in the air base, why do they spend ten whole minutes trying to light one candle when Harry could’ve just used his enormous flashlight?
  • Is Edward Eve’s son?
  • Is Eve’s necklace important?
  • Why the hell did the Woman take so much time to kill children? (She had time to wrap red string around the entire house…and then wait until the child followed the string to the nursery, where the child attempted to strangle herself with said string. Really?)
  • Who the hell is the blind man in town?
  • Did the other children survive in the end? (They are NEVER shown again.)

Overall, The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death was terrible. (At least I enjoyed my Mountain Dew and Zours.)

To watch the trailer, click here