Archive for December, 2014

Sycamore Township, a small town in Ohio, is in a tizzy over Jasen Dixon’s unusual nativity scene.

Instead of the “normal” manger scene, Dixon, manager of the 13 Rooms of Doom haunted house, has a zombified display, “featuring skeletons as the three wise men and a demonic looking baby Jesus.”

The festive horror scene has become immensely popular, according to Dixon. “People that follow zombie movies and stuff like that love it,” he said.

And I agree with you there; I am a horror fanatic, and I love the creative twist on the nativity scene.

To see Dixon’s zombified scene, click here.

Advertisements

One classic English Christmas tradition should be brought back: the telling of ghost stories on Christmas Eve. What is better than curling up nearing a roaring fire, sipping piping hot mulled wine, and spooking one another with creepy ghost stories while winter’s death-like fingers rattle your windows?

And don’t feel bad if you cannot tell one; instead, grab a ghost story off the musty shelf, or rather, watch The Christmas Carol, Rare Exports, or Krampus: The Christmas Devil.

As a horror fanatic, I am saddened that this tradition is disappearing…like flesh off bones. I am also thoroughly disappointed in myself for not instilling this tradition into my own festivities.

But this year will be different.

While I wait for dear ole’ Santa Claus to creep down the chimney, I will be reading The Mist in the Mirror, written by Susan Hill, “nestled all snug [in] my bed.”

Merry Christmas!

If I might be so bold, what will all my other horror fanatics be reading and/or watching on Christmas Eve?

To aid you, I am jotting down a few novel recommendations.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, Alvin Schwartz

The Woman in Black, Susan Hill

The Harrowing, Alexandra Sokoloff

Mister B. Gone, Clive Barker

Trapped, Jack Kilborn

For movie recommendations, click here.

Krampus, the Christmas Devil, definitely puts a horrific spin on Christmas.

Derived from krampen (German for claw), Krampus is St. Nick’s “helpful” companion, who either gives children coal or hauls them away into a dark forest, or Hell, in a burlap sack.

This demonic fellow, with his cloven hooves, goat horns, and pointed tongue, arrives on Krampusnacht, or Krampus Night, to hand out coal and ruten (bundles of birch branches) to naughty children.

And next year, I REALLY want to send out “Greetings from the Krampus” cards:

To purchase some of these festive greeting cards, click here.

If you are a Krampus fan, why not add some of these items to your Christmas list?!

The Krampus Journal, $9.99

Krampus Journal

The Krampus Serving Tray, $34.99

Krampus and St. Nicholas from - Small Serving Tray

Krampus Pillow, $24.50

Greetings from Krampus! Throw Pillow

Krampus Cookie Jar, $24.50

Happy Krampus Happy Christmas Cookie Jar

Krampus Earrings, $22.50

Earring Circle Charm

And you can use some Krampus wrapping paper to wrap all your fine gifts, which will be placed underneath a tree that has been adorned with a beautiful Krampus ornament.

David F. Sandberg and Lotta Losten, the brilliant creators of “Lights Out,” have created another terrifying short film titled, “Pictured.” (I guarantee this short horror film will make you quake with fear.)

Hanukkah, written and directed by Eben McGarr, is, of course, a Hanukkah-themed horror movie that centers around Obediah Lazarus, a religious extremist and son of the Hanukkiller, who is “about to unleash eight nights of horror” on a group of Jewish teens who are getting ready to celebrate and party.

This film is sure to be “a Torah-fying new tale of horah.”

For more information, click here.

Why not roast some chestnuts, drink some hot cocoa, and watch these holiday horror movies while warming up near the fire?

A Christmas Carol, 1951

A Christmas Carol (1951) Poster

Image: IMDB.com.

 

“An old bitter miser is given a chance for redemption when he is haunted by three ghosts on Christmas Eve” (IMDB.com).

The Nightmare Before Christmas, 1993

Image: Giphy.com.

“Jack Skellington, king of Halloweentown, discovers Christmas Town, but doesn’t quite understand the concept” (IMDB.com).

Jack Frost, 1997

Image: Sporcle.com.

“A serial killer dies, comes back as a snowman, and wreaks havoc” (IMDB.com).

Santa’s Slay, 2005

Image: tumblr.com.

“Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness. But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways” (IMDB.com).

The Gingerdead Man, 2005

Image: Reelz.com.

“An evil yet adorable Gingerbread man comes to life with the soul of a convicted killer – this real life cookie monster wreaks havoc on the girl who sent the killer to the electric chair” (IMDB.com).

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, 2010

Image: tumblr.com.

“In the depths of the Korvatunturi mountains, 486 metres deep, lies the closest ever guarded secret of Christmas. The time has come to dig it up! This Christmas everyone will believe in Santa Claus” (IMDB.com).

Saint, 2010

Image: jbridgerwriting.blogspot.com.

“A horror film that depicts St. Nicholas as a murderous bishop who kidnaps and murders children when there is a full moon on December 5” (IMDB.com).

Swim far away from Shark Week, directed by Christopher Ray.

“Sharks are life…they’re gods.”

 

Shark Week, unfortunately, revolves around a psychotic drug trafficker with an unhealthy fetish for sharks; his deranged girlfriend; and eight unlucky, and unmemorable, characters who must battle poorly-animated sharks.

These sharks range from bloodthirsty pups (that tear someone apart in a small pool), one horrible hammerhead, one ravenous tiger shark, and one ever-growing great white. (The great white constantly changes size until it finally ends up being a ginormous creature that is killed with one miniscule knife.)

How does one avoid sharks? You stay out of the water, something these eight unmemorable characters DO NOT do. Instead, they willingly sit in a tiny lifeboat and row out into international waters to fight a great white.

The eight unmemorable characters are given no backstory, and I, if I listened carefully, caught only some names and a few of their professions. (Shark Week, I guess, was attempting a Saw-theme where all characters are somehow connected, and must piece the puzzle together themselves. No urgency, though, is drawn to their connection to psycho’s son…so in the end, it doesn’t really matter.)

While the eight unmemorable people are battling sharks, Mr. Psycho and his eye-twitching girlfriend, who live in a gigantic mansion, only lurk in a small bedroom that contains one small chair, one sofa, and three tiny laptops. (If this man is SO rich, why couldn’t he afford a big-screen television or fancier computer monitors to watch everything on whilst sipping shark blood?)

And somehow Mr. Psycho was able to install a PA system and security cameras all over the island that no one ever sees or smacks into. (At times, the cameras are RIGHT in a person’s face – how can they NOT have seen the security camera?!)

Other Flaws:

  • How can every character emerge from the pristine water after fighting “deadly” sharks completely DRY?
  • While tiptoeing past landmines, one character accidentally stepped on one, and it took FOREVER for everyone to figure out what to do to save him. But, when Mr. Psycho’s girlfriend steps on one, she blows up in mere seconds. Uh…why?
  • Sharks don’t roar; why did we need a roar?
  • The character originally holding the knife was killed by a shark WHILST holding said knife. How, exactly, did another character locate the knife to kill the great white?
  • Why the constant “experimental” scenes of people walking?

Do not watch Shark Week. I repeat, do not watch Shark Week.

To watch the trailer, click here

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus…to scare you to death at “A Very Scary Christmas,” a “very special, limited engagement Christmas frightfest,” in Hauppauge, NY.

According to HuffingtonPost.com, this holiday-themed haunted house will feature “killer snowmen, evil elves, man-eating reindeer and murderous Christmas trees.”

And remember: an evil Santa, wielding a chainsaw, will also be there to “show you what naughty really looks like.” Ah, the ho-ho-horror!!!

If I ever ventured into “A Very Scary Christmas,” my mother would start to worry, my father would be pacing the floor, and my sister would be suspicious…oh baby, it’s scary inside!

Sharknado 2: The Second One, directed by Anthony C. Ferrante, was amazing! (One could even say Sharknado 2: The Second One chomped its way into my “Favorite Movie” list.)

New York City is in danger! Several sharknados, bringing ravenous sharks and torrential downpours, are headed there, and if they collide, “we’re talking about a storm of biblical proportions.” Can Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) save the day?

Fin and April, when flying into New York City, did save their plane from being destroyed by sharks…although a few passengers, including the kindly flight attendant (Kelly Osborne), did lose their heads. April, too, experienced a loss; her beautiful hand was eaten by a scarred shark. (Don’t worry, though. She’ll be reunited with it again.)

I commend Sharknado 2: The Second One on their brilliant nod to Twilight Zone. Fin, like William Shatner’s character in “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet,” believes he saw something on the wing, and freaks out. Once he settles down, Fin looks at the wing again, yet no shark can be seen.

This film, much to my delight, references Jaws, as well, seeing as Fin’s sister and brother-in-law are named Martin (Mark McGrath) and Ellen (Kari Wuhrer) Brody. Quint, who performed most of Sharknado 2: The Second One’s soundtrack, featuring Anthony C. Ferrante and Robbie Rist, is another great nod to Jaws.

Quint performed “(The Ballad of) Sharknado,” Sharknado 2: The Second One’s theme song, and wow, was it fantastic! You know a song will be great when the lyrics include: “Run away from the sharknado. It’s your greatest foe, foe, foe!” To listen to the entire song, click here.

Billy Ray Cyrus, along with Quint, wrote a song: “Crawl.” Cyrus also attempted to act when cast as Dr. Quint. (Look, another Jaws reference!) Unfortunately, Cyrus was the most monotone doctor ever! I would even compare him to Dr. Schroder from Alien Agenda: Project Grey (2007).

Cyrus isn’t the only cameo that Sharknado 2: The Second One contains; we are also treated to Kelly Ripa, Sandra ‘Pepa’ Denton, Andy Dick, Michael Strahan, Perez Hilton, and Biz Markie, to name just a few.

But my absolute favorite cameo was Al Roker, a brilliant weather forecaster, who provided some of the BEST lines. One of the BEST lines comes when Roker describes a sharknado as “a twister with teeth.” (I LOVED it!)

And Sharknado 2: The Second One just wouldn’t be the same unless April placed a rotating blade upon her hand nub, and began slaughtering rapacious sharks as they whizzed through the air towards her.

If you disliked this film, it means that you are incredibly jealous that you cannot ride a shark through a tornado while wielding a chainsaw and shouting, “Yee-haw!” (Sharknado 2: The Second One would make a fabulous Christmas present!)

To watch the trailer, click here