The Hill Has Eyes Haunted Attraction Review

Posted: October 25, 2014 in Horrifying Haunted Houses
Tags: , ,

Yesterday, my brave friend and I decided to attend The Hill Has Eyes, located in Franklin, Wisconsin, which features five different haunts: Hooded, Failed Escape, Hunger Hollo, Scare Lift, and Carnivore.

I was excited to attend The Hill Has Eyes because I had heard and read several positive reviews, and my interest had been captured when I noticed this haunted attraction had been deemed the “Best Wisconsin Haunt of 2014.”

Hooded

After my brave friend and I had signed our “death warrants” and paid our $29.00 general admission fee, we received a dark hood to place atop our heads while we waited for our haunt to begin. Soon, an incredibly loud man began yelling out our instructions: “Once you round the corner, place the hood over your face with your left hand and grab the rope with your right hand.”

So, we rounded the corner, pulled down our masks, followed a rope, and walked blindly for ten minutes over uneven ground while drill sergeants shouted commands at us.

While I did not feel scared during this haunt, I did become rather frustrated, seeing as two drunk people kept spoiling the walk by shouting out lame jokes and burping loudly. (Remember: when you are at a haunted house, be sure to get a GOOD group!)

Failed Escape/Hunger Hollo

Because the weather was beautiful yesterday, I did enjoy walking along these two haunted trails. We encountered several oddities, including: evil hillbillies, moonshine maniacs, zombies, zombie victims, deranged werewolf pups, chainsaw-wielding lunatics, and Satan himself.

In order to view Satan (and his make-up was phenomenal), we had to walk through a decrepit-looking satanic church. As fire blazed around him, Satan called me “short” and informed me that I should drink more milk to become big and strong.

With that helpful piece of advice from Beelzebub, I, along with my brave friend, began walking towards the Scare Lift.

Scare Lift

The Scare Lift, deemed “Milwaukee’s haunted thrill ride,” was incredibly fun. I mean, who doesn’t want to ride a rickety chair lift? And once we arrived atop the hill, we were greeted by more ghouls and escorted to a super fun SLIDE! (I absolutely loved that slide!)

Carnivore

During Carnivore, my brave friend and I traveled through an asshole (yes, you heard that right), and walked through a small circus while “freaks” screeched and screamed at us.

The Final Verdict

Overall, I thought The Hill Has Eyes was incredibly boring; it was NOT worth $29.00. I would only recommend it if you feel like a) getting dirty or b) getting a headache.

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Comments
  1. Khala says:

    You’re just not having any luck here with these haunted houses/hills

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