Annabelle (2014) Film Review

Posted: October 24, 2014 in Horrendous Horror Movies
Tags: , , , ,

Last Saturday, I saw Annabelle, directed by John R. Leonetti, with a friend, and I can describe this movie with one simple word: emotional. (No, Annabelle is not “scary;” instead, it was heart-wrenching and incredibly frustrating.)

This “horror” movie begins when pregnant Mia (Annabelle Wallis) receives a creepy-ass doll from her husband. That night, two satanic cult members break in, and one begins whispering about how much they like Mia’s dolls. Blood is spilled, causing an eerie-looking demon to lodge itself into the ugly doll.

For the remainder of Annabelle, Mia and her husband…well, I can’t really say that, seeing as the husband is never really around. Let me rephrase my first sentence: it is up to Mia to protect her young child from the demonic entity.

Criticisms

1. Why the hell couldn’t the doll do more?

Sure, the doll looked incredibly creepy, but it didn’t do anything scary. (The doll merely sat in a rocking chair. Wow…terrifying.) If the doll had moved her eyes or even spoken, I would have been more impressed.

Do you remember Slappy from Goosebumps or Chucky? Those dolls, which were also inhabited by evil spirits like Annabelle, were frightening because they walked, talked, killed, and creeped around menacingly! They didn’t just sit in a freaking rocking chair.

He FREAKED me out when I was little.

2. Why the hell would Mia choose a dark and terrible night to store boxes in the basement?

Yes, I know Annabelle is a horror movie, and horror movies need “scares” – but really? Who has ever thought, “Hey, because it’s horribly storming outside, why not go ahead and store some boxes in my incredibly dark basement?” (Great idea, genius.)

Mia has already been having paranormal experiences, but instead of keeping safe, she chooses to leave her child and apartment to put away these unimportant boxes. And then, when a decrepit-looking baby buggy rolls around the corner, she acts totally nonchalant. (Frankly, if I saw a strange-looking buggy and heard demonic wailing coming from it, I would pee my pants and run far, far away from it!)

3. Why, Mia, do you decide to have a staring contest with a demon?

Mia, I am already frustrated with you because of your damn boxes, and I am angry at you because you had to do a clichéd “trip while running in a stairwell” scene. Now, I am simply confused because instead of running like hell after you tripped, you proceeded to challenge a demon to a staring contest. A DEMON! Why the hell would you do that?

I mean, holy shit, Mia…you leave me completely speechless and dumbfounded.

The Feels

  • Tears began to well in my eyes when it seemed like Mia had killed her own child.
  • Tears began to well in my eyes when Evelyn sacrifices herself for Mia’s child.
  • Tears began to well in my eyes when I realized that Evelyn, seeing as her soul is now in hell, will probably never see her daughter again.

Overall, I would rank Annabelle as simply alright.

To watch the trailer, click here

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