Alien Agenda: Project Grey (2007) Film Review

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Horrendous Horror Movies
Tags: , , , , , ,

Christian Blaze and Crystal-Dawn Rosales directed Alien Agenda: Project Grey, an absolutely atrocious horror movie. (Oh, and besides directing the film, Blaze also starred as a main character, and if that wasn’t enough, he also was the editor, writer, executive producer, VFX producer, VFX artist, and compositor. Hell, I’m surprised he wasn’t marked down as music composer, caterer, best boy, or gaffer.)

Personally, I didn’t quite understand the plot, so I will have IMDB.com explain it:

“It’s fear that they seek! Dr. Schroder listens to her criminally insane patient as he recounts the story of the murder of his four friends. A story of infidelity, jealousy and revenge takes a strange turn revealing an alien agenda. Chip implants, government mind control, Russian military, and alien visitors, form the puzzle pieces of this science fiction thriller. A search for the answers leads to the truth…It’s our fear that they seek.”

Alien Agenda: Project Grey begins horribly. We are introduced to Reed (Rae-Ann Dillman), an air-headed woman who believes aliens abducted her. She relates her abduction story to a beer-guzzling man who merely grunts as a response and appears incredibly bored. (And this is no surprise because, when looking back, this movie is filled to the brim with characters looking and acting bored.)

The movie must’ve realized their opening scene was lulling people to sleep because they resorted to showing Reed’s boobies. So now, people are waking up to watch Titties McGee, breasts flopping, run through the darkened woods until she is slaughtered by an alien, which we do not see.

Let’s leave Reed’s melons behind, and discuss a more important matter: aliens. Do you know how long I had to wait until I saw an alien on-screen? Almost an hour! Plus, these aliens are animated poorly, and to be honest, they are a real disappointment.

These are the crappy aliens.

Alien Agenda: Project Grey enjoys bouncing from setting to setting. The film began at Madeira Forest, the location where Reed is murdered. For some ungodly reason, the film propelled me to Siberia, where I attempted to listen to the Russian military discuss classified alien information. Next, I am watching someone place flowers on a family member’s grave in the Madeira Cemetery, and after that, I am squished into a car to listen to five friends awkwardly converse.

But these places are nothing compared to the Madeira Mental Health Hospital or Madeira Lake.

Do you remember when I mentioned how all characters look bored? No one looks more bored than Dr. Schroder (Nneka Croal). She remains completely stoic when her only patient bites a chunk out of his arm, and she doesn’t even bat an eyelash when the military storms in, demanding the release of said patient. Oh, and this hospital has also hired a hospital orderly that, instead of being concerned when a patient harms themselves, describes the grisly scene as “cool.” Who the hell is in charge of hiring employees at this hospital?

And then we have Madeira Lake. Within the first few minutes here, Justin (Justin Stillwell) decides to propose to Allie (Allison Warnyca), his girlfriend. This could have been a touching scene; however, Justin ruined the moment when he began his proposal with, “I don’t care about your money.” Smooth, Justin. Smooth.

After this awkward proposal scene, I am forced to spend the next five minutes watching all five friends play poker and drink. While this is an excellent pastime, I, personally, believe the directors should’ve focused their energy on other scenes. (This scene offers nothing; we are provided no character development or plot update. It’s just people gambling and getting drunk.)

Soon, though, one of their friends goes missing. Mitzi (Mitzi Jones) calls 911, and the dispatcher, sounding bored, doesn’t attempt to help at all. The dispatcher recommends that the friends stay at their campsite because the police can’t do anything. (Seriously? A missing person is pretty important – you can’t send one cop over?)

And the friends, instead of looking for their friend, take the dispatcher’s advice. They sit around a campfire and toast marshmallows, exchanging stories and laughing. Really? REALLY?

Overall, Alien Abduction: Project Grey is terrible, and I would not recommend watching it.

To watch the trailer, click here

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