Do not waste your time on this movie. I repeat, do not waste your time on Key.

Key, directed by Rob Hamilton, is an incredibly unexciting film that follows Pathologist Martin Revell (Nathan Sapsford) after he finds a mysterious key in a suicide victim’s stomach. Instead of depositing the key into the evidence file, which he should have done, Revell steals it, and it leads him on an extremely pointless journey filled with unanswered questions.

Pathologist Revell can be described in three words: depressing, drinker, and awkward. I do feel terrible for him, seeing as his beautiful wife died two years ago, but that does not grant him the right to (1) be an asshole at the bar or (2) ask a random lady out when they meet at the morgue.

But I despise the lady he asks out even more. Her name is Claire Shoe (Jessica Nicole Webb), the suicide victim’s daughter, and she is freaking psycho. She, I guess, has absolutely no life because she continuously follows Revell around, even breaking into his home. When she is invited over for wine, she begins to sneak around his house, trying to locate the key. If I had been Revell, I would have requested a restraining order against Shoe, and I would have tried to leave town.

In one particular scene, Revell realizes that his wife might have once possessed the key, so he begins to rewind old home videos to locate it. And of course, so the movie can continue, Revell sees his wife holding the key and acting insane. After seeing his wife holding the key, Revell acts completely surprised and shocked. I mean, what the hell, Revell?! While you lived with your wife, you didn’t notice her holding a huge black key? Really? I guess we can tack one more word to his character: clueless.

There are so many scenes, like the one mentioned above, that don’t make sense, or leave things unanswered. For instance, Shoe and Revell look at a particular painting, which I had hoped would tie into the main storyline; however, this painting just leaves more questions unanswered. Why was the key painted into a hellish scene? Who possessed the key? What did the key do to the painter? Was the key crafted by Satan? What does the painting actually mean?

The key is another huge error in Key. What the hell is wrong with it? Why does it control people? Does it actually control people? Why does it make people go insane? I just don’t understand…

Instead of Key, watch The Lord of the Rings. Both films have items that will make you become insane after possessing them for a long time; however, The Lord of the Rings actually explains WHY the ring makes people go crazy.

Also, The Lord of the Rings will not leave you with a headache, yet Key will. (If you do make the mistake of watching this movie, remember to take some Advil. The horrendous acting and terrible storyline will leave you with such a migraine.)

Overall, Key is absolutely pointless, and I would highly recommend you not waste 87 minutes of your life watching it.

To view the trailer, click here

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